3 years 5 months and 17 days is the time it took me to find a job as a software developer. Last night when I told my kids, I was struck speechless by the jubilation they expressed. There was a spontaneous double high-five from my son, and a hug with a scream from my daughter. It is not that I have been unemployed this whole time. I was employed with less than the skill set I trained for or experience I gained in the prior 16+ years of working as a software developer, being put to use. During the entire time of job search this was the algorithm I employed: I find a job posting or lead that looks exciting and within my doable reach, I apply for it, I prepare like mad for it, then it may lead to a phone interview, which may lead to onsite interview, I would fail at any point, go into an abyss, kick hard at the bottom of the abyss, throw myself into learning something new or practice old and repeat!
Sometimes the abyss plumbed the depths of dejection. There were times when I was advised that it is no longer a field for an old-coot like me. Why not branch out to a different field? Maybe I should go into teaching. It was not that each of the suggestions were bad. They are completely fulfilling tracks by themselves. There would have been no dishonor for me if I had changed tracks. But my kids were watching me. They are teenagers, at a very impressionable age. I once read a study that a child who watches a parent commit suicide has increased chances of taking their own life too. So the reverse would also be true. A child should be more tenacious if they had seen their parent try, try and try again. Or they could learn to give up early too....but I am hoping for the former when I began my "Ghori-Ghazni Dandyatra".
"Ghori-Ghazni Dandyatra" is a phrase I have heard it being used in my mother tongue by my elders when they want to describe repeated attempts at trying to succeed in something. Each attempt failed, but yet there is no courage lost. Preparation is made for next attack and launched. The failures hurt like hell, but giving up was not an option. Each time I just had to figure out how to get up back on feet again.
The exact number of interviews I failed to land a job is irrelevant. But when I saw the jubilation of my kids when I got an offer, that made every despairing moment worth it. In my moments of despair I had poured my heart out in my open letter to my daughter. But what motivated me to crawl back from that abyss? Here is an incident that happened few years ago when my daughter was 5.
Every summer I would register my kids for 5 days a week, 7 weeks swimming classes. This is instead of taking them during the rest of the year once a week. Right before my daughter was turning 5 I had her going to swim classes and for some unfathomable reason one day she refused to go into the pool. This continued over several months. It worried me. I could not cajole, bribe, shame, or compare her into stepping into the pool. So out of desperation I enrolled into 7 weeks of swim lessons, 5 days a week during the summer. I was slightly scared of water. I could not float. I could barely hold my breath under water for few seconds. This was my starting point. By 7th week I could do 10 laps across a Olympic sized swim pool in free style. My instructor, a freshman at college, was completely amazed and she would praise me. And I would say there is nothing praiseworthy in my effort. I simply had the kind of motivation which other students did not have. I needed my daughter to see me swim the laps. She did. Then I asked her for her permission to register her into a private lesson and she agreed. My daughter was back in swim pool after that and she learned to swim.
Every time I stared at the floor of the abyss, I saw my kids faces. And I needed them to see that I tried with all my humanly possible. Software Development is my passion. I tell my kids that the side effect of having a software developer for a Mom is that they get to hear all about Binary Search Trees, various traversals and their uses as part of kitchen conversations! I want my son to grow expecting and valuing diversity in his work space. One day in 7th grade my daughter came home to tell me how she solved a software problem in her robotics after school program and the respect she saw in her peers for her work. I want her to grow into the same fearless person, with the confidence to try anything she finds interesting.
If I tell them that life is about the journey that may include many failures with sparse success. If I tell them that life rarely is about jumping from on top of one success to another. I had to live what I told them. I know that my path ahead is still hard, but a good fight is all I can work on, and I know my kids are watching me.